Honestly, Vanessa

Motherhood is beautiful, but I don’t think we talk enough about the parts that are genuinely hard.

Especially on instagram, everything feels so curated. The clean homes. The calm routines. The moms who seem endlessly patient, productive, and put together.

And when you’re in the health and wellness space, the pressure feels even heavier, like you’re supposed to have life figured out, regulated nervous system and all.

But the truth is, I don’t.

I’m a stay-at-home mom so I’m with my daughter almost all day, every day. Unlike parents who go to work and leave their child in someone else’s care for a portion of the day, I’m her constant, her playmate, teacher, comfort, snack provider, emotional support, and safe place all wrapped into one.

I know every form of motherhood comes with its own challenges, and I deeply respect working moms. But being home full time means there’s very little mental break.

There’s no quiet commute, no lunch alone, no adult-only space for a few hours. It’s beautiful and bonding, but it’s also intense in a way I wasn’t fully prepared for.

At the same time, I’m also aware of the tradeoff. I don’t carry the stress of paying the household bills, which is something many families worry about constantly. I’m also very thankful that my husband makes very good money.

That kind of financial pressure takes a real toll on the body and mind too. So while I’m exhausted in one way, I’m protected in another. And I’m grateful for that balance, even when the days feel long.

One of my biggest struggles with motherhood is the clutter and mess. I crave order and instead I often feel like I’m living in constant noise, toys everywhere, crumbs on the floor, and never-ending cleaning.

There are moments where all the toys scattered across the floor feel genuinely overwhelming to my nervous system, like my brain can’t fully rest in the chaos.

At the same time, I know this is her world. These toys aren’t just mess, they’re imagination, learning, comfort, and play.

And sometimes I feel guilty even wanting to clean it all up, like I’m erasing the little world she’s built for herself just so I can feel calmer for a moment.

Along with that comes the lack of silence. I didn’t realize how much I valued quiet until it disappeared…

I purposely waited until my thirties to settle down and become a mother and a wife, intentionally. I wanted my twenties to be about exploration, discovering myself and living life. I also wanted to be extremely careful about who I built a life with.

I was honestly paranoid about ending up like my parents, who stayed together “for the kids” even though I could feel the disconnect growing up. The idea of being stuck with someone purely because of a child terrified me.

At the same time, I didn’t want to be a single mother either. And let’s be real, being a wife comes with stability and care that single mothers pretend doesn’t matter because of pride.

People especially boss babes love to glamorize constant hustling and independence, but the body tells a different story when it comes to stress, exhaustion, and burnout. It’s not really healthy, sorry.

Another hard part for me was discovering a new passion right as I became a mother.

Most people figure out their career path in their twenties. I thought mine would be in film and media. I dreamed of directing music videos and creating visual stories. I loved editing. I had original and cool ideas. But I also struggled with extreme perfectionism, performance anxiety and low confidence.

Then I became Muslim, which I never planned but changed my life in the best way. At the same time, I realized the entertainment industry wasn’t aligned with the life I wanted anymore. Shortly after, I got pregnant.

I was already on a natural healing journey with my mental health because the medications I was prescribed for my anxiety were making me feel much worse, not better.

About a year later, I met another revert who was a holistic practitioner, and she inspired me to enter this field. It lit something up in me, but juggling intense studies with motherhood has been incredibly challenging.

Time management became survival, not a productivity hack.

On top of that, I’m also a stepmom. And in our situation, the kids are with us far more than the typical every-other-weekend schedule.

They feel more comfortable here, which I’m grateful for, but it often feels like I’m raising four kids, not one. It’s beautiful and overwhelming all at once.

There’s also this constant pressure to do motherhood perfectly especially if you’re in the health and wellness scene.

Little to no screen time. Perfect bedtime routines. Organic and healthy meals 24/7. Emotional regulation at all times.

And because I work in wellness, people have expectations of me. I feel like I can’t contradict what I teach, so I try to uphold it even when I’m exhausted and just doing my best to get through the day.

Do you want to truly know how tired I am? My daughter eats fast food once or twice a year. That will tell you everything you need to know, but she’s worth it and more.

Another part of motherhood that’s been harder than I expected is that my daughter is kind of an only child, not in the sense that she doesn’t have siblings that are present, but in the sense that she doesn’t have anyone her age to play with.

Her half siblings are teenagers and grown, so day to day, Her father and I are her main companions, her playmates, her comfort, her entertainment, and her emotional safe space.

She’s starting prep school in the fall, which I’m really looking forward to, because she’ll finally get daily playtime with kids her own age and begin building her own little world outside of just us.

She’s also started gymnastics and taekwondo, which has already been such a positive change for both of us.

During the weekdays, I now get about an hour and a half to myself while she’s in class, and honestly, it’s been life-giving. That small window of quiet has helped me reset, breathe, and feel more like myself again.

Another challenge for me has been being physically far from my parents and extended family. They live about 300 miles away.

One of my sisters is in New York and another is in Orlando, the one in Orlando comes help when she can, so I don’t really have that built-in support system for the days when I’m exhausted and could really use someone to watch her so I can sleep, reset, or step out for a few hours.

For a year from when she was 2 years old, my daughter went to a home daycare run by a nanny from around 7a-6p, and it was a massive help during that time.

I caught up on my studies and some rest, but she’s older now, and the nanny only accepts children up to age three so that chapter has come to an end.

I know some families rely on nannies, but I’ve realized that isn’t what feels right for me anymore. I like things done a certain way, and I’m not very trusting when it comes to my child these days.

That may not work for everyone, but it’s what feels safest and most aligned for me, and I’m okay with that.

People sometimes ask when I’m having another baby, but the reality is I already care for four children in many ways.

Right now, I’m not ready to add another newborn phase on top of everything else. Maybe one day, but not now. And I think it’s okay to be honest about that.

Another struggle I don’t think gets talked about enough is losing the freedom you were used to.

Before motherhood, I had so much time to myself. I loved my sleep. I could book yoga classes last minute, go roller skating with friends, watch movies in peace, and exist without someone constantly needing me. Now there’s no privacy. There’s always a little human watching, listening, touching, needing.

The only quiet time is when she finally goes to bed, but by then I’m exhausted and debating whether I should sleep too, even though that’s the only time that feels like mine.

I know staying up late isn’t great for my health, but sometimes it feels like the only moment of peace.

Now I’m not complaining, I’m just being honest about the reality I’m living in, but motherhood isn’t all bad.

There are so many moments that make me feel unbelievably blessed. The cuddles. The laughter. The tiny conversations. Having this little best friend who looks up to me and feels safe with me.

Watching her faith grow, seeing her love the masjid, prayer, and Islam already fills my heart in ways I can’t explain.

I may not have it all together, but I’m doing everything I can to raise a kind, strong, grounded human being who is beautiful on the inside. To protect her. To guide her. To show her love, faith, and resilience.

And honestly, I think that counts for a lot.